Embracing Imperfection & Enjoying Life
Embracing Imperfection & Enjoying Life
Learnings from Oliver Burkeman, author of Meditations for Mortals
👋Hello, my friend. I'm back in your inbox this morning to share some insights from my recent conversation with author Oliver Burkeman who is best known for his philosophy of “imperfectionism.” Let’s dive right in!
Ep.33 - Oliver Burkeman Embracing Imperfection and Enjoying Life
Oliver Burkeman, author of 4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, is back with a new book, Meditations for Mortals. Now, before you skip ahead, thinking this is about meditation in the traditional sense, it's not.
It’s more about his philosophy of "imperfectionism" which seems to be striking a chord right now based on all of the attention Oliver is getting, including a recent profile in The Atlantic.
In a world obsessed with "productivity porn" and "hustle culture" Oliver has positioned himself as a counter voice.
As someone who's saying:
"Hey, wait a minute. Are we in such a rush to improve our future selves that we're forgetting to live our actual lives today?"
I heard about this book a few months back and its format intrigued me.
It's basically a 28-day program.
- You read a few pages per day for 28 days.
- Each of the 28 short chapters includes what I'll describe as a little philosophical nugget.
Something to take with you for the remainder of the day to chew on.
I reached out to Oliver and asked if he'd like me to be a guinea pig... to try out his 28-day program and then get on a podcast to talk about it.
He obliged and that's what our conversation is all about.
I have to say... this book caused a mild existential crisis for me.
I'm pretty deep into what I'll admit is a fairly quantified life.
- I love streaks.
- I love fitness trackers.
- I love planning every week down to the minute - or at least the hour.
So Oliver's idea to take a breath and enjoy life a bit more was, in a weird way, counterintuitive to me.
Maybe that's why my copy of the book now has handwritten notes and highlighter all over it.
I won't spoil the whole conversation as I think you'll enjoy it but I'll say this:
Most self-help books try to teach you a new system or program to follow. Maybe you even do it for a while before life gets in the way and it becomes a distant memory.
This one feels different. More of a philosophical outlook shift than a set of steps to remember.
I think it's going to stay with me. And that's saying something. Here are a few of the (many) concepts that stuck with me from this book and conversation.
5 Takeaways from Meditations for Mortals:
1. A Kayak, Not a Superyacht: Navigating the River of Time
One of the most powerful concepts we discussed was the idea that we are all riding in a kayak, not a superyacht, down the river of time. We may strive for control, scheduling our lives down to the minute and chasing achievements, but ultimately, we are at the mercy of the current WAY more than we think.
Oliver argues that accepting this lack of control, rather than fighting it, is actually liberating.
This really hit home for me when a planned weekend getaway with my wife fell through at the last minute. Instead of getting frustrated, I remembered Oliver's analogy and adopted a "kayak mindset." We made the most of our time at home, and honestly, it turned out to be a really special weekend.
2. The Perfectionist Fantasy and the Allure of Problems
Do you ever sit around thinking…. “Someday, my life is going to be a lot easier”? Maybe when college is paid for, or the kids are out of diapers, or you get a promotion, or whatever it is that worries you today….. Well, Oliver challenges the idea that a problem-free life is the ultimate goal. He suggests that it's in navigating challenges, even the mundane ones, that we find meaning and satisfaction. He reminds us that our ability to solve problems, big or small, is actually what makes us valuable and capable.
3. Doing Things "Daily-ish"
We also explored the concept of doing things "daily-ish," which challenges the rigidity of strict streaks and routines. Oliver argues that an overly regimented approach can lead to stress and a sense of failure if we miss a day. Instead, he suggests embracing a more flexible approach, allowing for breaks and emphasizing the importance of consistently returning to the habit.
As a self-proclaimed “streak enthusiast”, this one kind of challenged my identity a bit. It didn’t quite convince me to stop by 2-year+ no alcohol streak or my 8000 steps every day this year streak but it did add a bit more fuel to the fire of something I’ve been pondering lately: Are my streaks serving me? In most cases, yes, I think so. But I am pondering if easing up on the rigidity here and there may make my life more enjoyable. 🤔
4. People-Pleasing: A Form of "Assholery"?
Oliver includes the following Whitney Cummings quote in his book which I loved:
“People pleasing is a form of assholery… because you’re not pleasing anybody — you’re just making them resentful because you’re being disingenuous, and you’re also not giving them the dignity of their own experience [by assuming] they can’t handle the truth.”
Her point is that constantly prioritizing others' needs above our own can be disingenuous and ultimately breed resentment rather than appreciation.
This, coupled with the concept of "scruffy hospitality" — the idea of embracing imperfection when entertaining — really resonated with me. It's a good reminder to be authentic in our interactions and to prioritize genuine connection over appearances.
5. You Can't Care About Everything
Finally, as a public service announcement of sorts, and given the current environment where the political rhetoric is dialed up to an 11 out of 10, Oliver and I dove into his idea that “you can’t care about everything.”
Basically, the thesis here is that there is way more wrong, terrible, horrifying stuff going on in the world at any given time than any one person could ever realistically deal with much less care about. We never had this problem in all of recorded history until the advent of 24/7 news and social media. Now we see everything. Every disaster. Every murder. Every person who has been wronged. And a million people shouting about how everything is rigged and/or a conspiracy theory.
Well… good news. You can be a responsible citizen while not caring about EVERYTHING. In fact, to paraphrase Oliver, there is some real value in staying sane when the world is losing its mind.
The next few weeks in the U.S. are going to be insane ahead of this election. Here’s a quick reminder that:
You don’t need to have an opinion on everything.
You don’t need to know what everyone else says or thinks.
You don’t have to convince other people they are wrong.
You don’t have to hate other people because their views are different than yours.
You don’t have to let the 24/7 news cycle dominate your life.
Seriously, you don’t have to do any of that. You have a right to completely tune out if you’d like. To read some fiction. To listen to music. To go for a walk. And you can still be a responsible citizen. And probably a happier and saner one to boot.
Alright, my friend. Going to leave it there for today. Remember to go easy on yourself and I’ll be back in your inbox in two weeks.
Content Diet
Protocols to Strengthen & Pain Proof Your Back — Huberman Lab Podcast
“A healthy man wants a thousand things, a sick man only wants one” - Naval Ravikant
I have a few friends struggling with back issues these days and I’ve shared this Huberman episode with them to hopefully help. If it’s an issue for you, maybe this will help.
The 8 Health Metrics to Track in Your 40’s & Beyond
In case you missed my last episode with Michael Karnjanaprakorn, just sharing the link again below. Getting tons of positive feedback on this one especially for the granularity in which we discussed different metrics for heart health, body composition, etc.
Finally, here’s the full YouTube version of my conversation with Oliver.
Have a great week.
Greg
Great post and conversation! I'm a big fan of Four Thousand Weeks. In my opinion, "daily-ish" is the sweet spot. Streaks and routines are beneficial, but going to Mallorca for a weekend and forgetting about them can be really needed sometimes! (Speaking from experience, hehe.) Thanks for sharing your intentional wisdom!