How to have fun.
Exercising the muscle you thought you lost after college
👋Hello, my friend. I’m coming to you today with some thoughts on a concept that has become foreign to many of us in adulthood: How to have fun. I had fun writing this article. I hope you have fun reading it. Scroll to the end for a few of my favorite recent pieces of content.
Let’s do it!
How much “fun” would you say you’re having on a daily basis?
If you’re like most adults, your first reaction to that question might be something like:
“Fun? When exactly do you expect me to have “fun” while I’m managing X number of kids, a full-time job, ageing parents, (or the host of other never-ending responsibilities that tend to form the reality of modern adulthood)?”
You might even be annoyed at me for asking that question because you’re not in a position to allow “fun” to be anywhere near your priority list, much less at the top.
In fact, I’d wager that if you asked most adults to recall something fun that they’ve done, they’ll likely go back in time by 20+ years to rehash an experience from high school or college. Or maybe it’s a guys’ trip they did two years ago because… fun is not really something you “do” on a daily basis.
Oh man. That’s a tough way to go through life.
Listen, I get it. I find myself falling into this trap, too, as the daily stressors of life sink their claws in.
Being an adult is hard. There’s no question about it.
And there’s little doubt that the path to fun takes a bit less thought when you’re younger. When we’re kids, we’re basically living for it. Even into adolescence, fun is a top priority for most.
Back in my college days, I tried to live my life with a simple math equation in mind:
Maximize the amount of fun you can have, while maintaining at least a B grade-point average.
I might not go out of my way to highlight that philosophy to my own kids as they quickly close in on their teenage years, but I can tell you, I remember the fun times with my friends WAY more than anything I learned in school.
That does bring up an interesting idea though. I was recently listening to a podcast series on the mental health crisis facing teenagers today (as I’m a responsible adult and that’s the type of thing responsible adults do, I guess).
And I came across a concept that stuck with me: Basically, it’s the idea that our emotions are heightened as we go through adolescence. From the time we hit puberty right on through early adulthood — as hormones course through our bodies — our emotions go haywire and we hit both higher high’s and lower low’s.
This is why, for many, middle school and/or high school are perceived as the most painful times in our lives. Not only are we trying out new identities and attempting to get the attention of the oppositive sex, but when we fail (academically, athletically, or socially) we feel that pain SO acutely. So much so that we can still feel those experiences 20, 30, 40 years later.
It works the other way, too, though. We remember the time we skipped school with our buddies and went to beach. Or the way that first true love felt. Or the thrill of achieving success on the sports field (I never had that one… someone tell me how it felt, please).
We remember these highs – these times in our lives when we truly experienced FUN in capital letters. And we think “I can’t ever get back there. That was the most fun I’ll ever have.”
Well, let me tell you two things:
1. Those experiences were a hell of a lot of fun. And they are great memories, especially to think back on with friends. But also…
2. Your brain, as mentioned, was literally wired to feel those “peak” emotions at that point in your life, so there is very much a chemical explanation as to why you equate high school or college with being the “fun” part of your life.
So what’s that all mean? Are we doomed never to experience “fun” again?
No way!
Listen, our brains have matured. And those hormones? Well, maybe they’ve settled a bit?
And the good news is this: We can still have fun. A lot of fun. All the time. Maybe even the MOST fun in our entire lives. And we can do this well into old age. And it’s in our control.
That sounds positive, right?
It is. But first we have to make sure we know how to have fun. Believe it or not, we can lose that “fun” muscle as adults. We can even get the wrong idea about what fun actually is.
If you go back to that middle-aged person and ask them about when they last had fun or how they usually have fun, if they don’t instantly bring up Spring Break ’98 as their example, they will likely go to some version of this:
I have fun by getting drunk.
I can’t blame them. And this is not going to be an article trashing alcohol. I don’t care if you drink or not. But I do know this… all of us have been pummeled with mass media (commercials, billboards, celebrity endorsements) for our entire lives telling us one thing: Alcohol = fun.
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you probably know that I haven’t had alcohol for 500 some-odd days.
So all of those billions of dollars of ads should be convincing me right about now that I’m cooked. Fun is no longer an option, right?
Well, no, and you can read or listen to any of my content on the topic of alcohol if you’d like, but I’ll just say this: Despite the fact that not drinking is perceived by many as “not having fun” my personal experience has been quite the opposite.
So then… If fun is not solely the domain of the inebriated, what other kinds exist?
This, of course, depends on the person, but I’ll tell you a few places where I’m experiencing fun in my life these days:
1. When I get to spend time one-on-one with my wife. Like many couples with multiple young children, we can get stressed sometimes (all the time?) but when we go for our weekly walk or when by some crazy miracle we can get childcare for a weekend, I find it really fun. Especially if we get to have new experiences or explore new places together.
2. Playing games with my kids. Am I having “fun” when I’m asking my kids to do their homework for the nth time? Or to be nice to each other? Or even… coaching their sports teams? Well, there are fun parts to the latter but in all cases, my blood pressure would indicate: Not so much. But when I found myself playing “5 Crown”s with the whole fam recently, I had to stop and say “Well, let’s just take a minute to be thankful that we all get to be together like this… and have fun.” Because I really was having fun and that’s the type of thing I say apparently at 45-years-old.
3. Playing golf or pickleball. I don’t know what you’re into but playing these two sports for me these days is pretty damn close to pure, unadulterated fun. I REALLY enjoy the competition and the self-challenge. Seriously, on the pickleball, if you haven’t played it, I literally walk away every time saying “Wow, that was SO fun.” The equivalent of injecting fun straight into my veins these days for me is pickleball, for sure.
Other places where fun can easily be had include:
1. Watching something hilarious.
2. Learning a new skill.
3. Making something that you’re proud of.
4. Having an awesome 1on1 conversation with someone.
But even if you can’t do any of those things… you can still have fun.
And this might be the one idea that I’d like you to take away from this article:
The real secret to fun is that it’s not in WHAT you’re doing, but it HOW you’re doing it.
I’m serious about this. The people who really have fun – and no coincidence – the ones I’d surmise end up living longer, healthier, fuller lives, are the ones who have fun almost constantly.
You can put two people in the exact same situation. Have the exact same things happen to them. And one will be stressed, while the other can find a way to make it fun.
This, I’ve found, is especially true in the workplace, where most of us spend the bulk of our waking hours.
It is possible – recommended, in fact – to have a hell of a lot of fun at work.
What would this look like if it was fun?
When I think about anything in my life, from writing this newsletter or recording a podcast or even approaching a work trip like the one I’ve been on this week in London (I’m writing on the 9-hour flight home now, why do you think this is so long…?), I try to remember to put it through this lens… which is a variation of a Tim Ferriss framework:
“What would this look like if it was fun?”
Take the work trip as an example. I could have approached this past week by getting overly stressed, worrying about how different people might perceive me, or if the projects I had lined up for the week would be successful or massive failures.
Instead, I thought “What would this look like if it was fun?”
The way I answered that in my own head was like this: it would look like really connecting with people, it would look like bringing a playful attitude to every interaction; it would even look like noticing things and even taking pictures of them.
So that’s what I did. And what could have been a very stressful, serious, maybe even boring work trip, became… yep, guessed it: Pretty fun.
Did I do all the same activities and have all the same meetings I would have had otherwise? I did. But I made it a point to have fun. Even without alcohol! Yes, it’s possible. Side note: London has great N/A beers in every pub!
Okay, okay, we have to land this plane. Literally and figuratively.
I guess what I’m saying is this:
Fun is not just that guys’ golf trip or that girls’ night out when you got to escape your family responsibilities for a little while.
Are those things fun? Of course, they are! And they are awesome to do.
But we don’t need to wait for special occasions to have fun.
Fun happens daily, hourly, even minute-by-minute.
It’s smiling and laughing at work every 5 minutes (which typically is a result of being authentically yourself and interested in others) and not taking everything so damn seriously.
And it’s showing up to every part of your life thinking “What would this look like if it was fun?”
Listen, we’re only on this spinning rock for a short time. We might as well have some God damn fun.
I’ll see you in two weeks, between now and then, have some fun.
Thanks for reading.
Greg
Content Diet
Ezra Klein - The Teen Mental Health Crisis - Okay, this is not super-fun admittedly, but I found this two-part series to be a really helpful listen, especially if you’re raising kids in a world of invasive technology and trying to do it in a smart way. Side note: I’m starting to think social media should be outlawed for anyone under 16.
Rich Roll x Michael Easter — How to Rewire Your Habits
I’ve been loving pretty much everything Rich Roll has been putting out lately. This was a great conversation with the author of The Comfort Crisis and Scarcity Brain. This one is a strong recommend.
Andrew Huberman - How to Prevent & Treat Colds & Flu
I enjoyed this research-backed investigation into what actually works (and what doesn’t). Huberman is fan of zinc, vitamin D, and N-acetylcysteine (NAC) as ways to prevent or shorten the length of colds. He’s less convinced on other supplements like echinacea and others. I hit the zinc before and during my London trip and (knock on wood), have been staying healthy so far…
That’s it for today, my friend.
See you in two weeks!