The Upper Limit Problem
How false limits may be holding us back
👋Hello, my friend. No podcast this week but I’ve been thinking a lot about false limits. So I want to share what I’ve recently learned after diving into this subject. And speaking of podcasts, I’ve found some awesome ones lately. Scroll to the bottom for some recent favorites.
Appreciate you reading!
Greg
The Upper Limit Problem
There’s a concept about false limits that we place on ourselves that I’ve heard referenced a few times over the years which always resonated with me but I never managed to fully understand or internalize it.
Recently, I heard Patrick O’Shaughnessy talking about it on his Invest Like the Best podcast, but later, I couldn’t remember which episode it was on.
So I reached out to Matt Reustle, the CEO of Colossus which produces some of my favorite podcasts including ILTB, Founders, Making Media and now The Art of Investing and vaguely described the idea to him…
“Oh, you mean The Upper Limit Problem, don’t you?” he said.
“That’s it.” I said. And I was on my way to diving in on the concept. Below, is what I learned. I hope it might help you.
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Are you successful in most parts of your life - career, relationships, fitness - but still can't quite shake the feeling that you're not living up to your true potential?
That you were destined for greatness but you haven't ever quite achieved it?
You're not alone.
This is likely a symptom of something called The Upper Limit Problem.
The good news? Once you're aware of it, you can actually do something about it.
I'm going to tell you how.
The Upper Limit Problem which Gay Hendricks wrote about in his 2009 best-seller, The Big Leap, is essentially the act of setting false limits on your own potential.
To paraphrase Hendricks: You have an internal thermostat - often set in childhood - that sets a limit on the heights you can reach in different parts of your life including:
• Your career & finances
• Your relationships
• Your creativity
• Your fitness (my addition to the list)
When you hit this perceived ceiling, you unwittingly self-sabotage your own efforts to ensure you stay below it.
Don't believe me?
This is why lottery winners blow 60% of their winnings within 2 years and ultimately find their way back to the same or similar financial standing as before.
This is why presidents and CEOs destroy their hard-earned reputations for a few cheating moments with the intern.
This is why actors and musicians shatter their seemingly perfect lives with drugs or alcohol.
The amount of success they've achieved is way more than what they believe they deserve.
But WHY? Why do we feel like we have to set limits on ourselves?
There are different reasons but they're usually deeply ingrained into our identities and based on feedback we received for our actions and behaviors as kids.
At that time, we learned and internalized ideas like:
I can't be that good/liked/successful because...
"I am fundamentally flawed."
"I can't be disloyal or forget where I came from."
"I don't want to be a burden on others."
"I can't outshine (a particular person)."
In adulthood, this type of self-sabotage is particularly common after we make a big leap in one area of our lives.
We get a promotion.
We find ourselves in an amazing relationship.
Or we reach some new athletic or creative height.
And then...
Our upper limit settings kick in...
We blame or criticize - in the form of being overly harsh with ourselves or others (think: finding all the things you hate about that person you're now in an amazing relationship with.)
We worry - often about things that have almost zero chance of happening.
We deflect praise and self-deprecate - "Sure I succeeded this time but even a squirrel gets a nut once in a while."
We even have physical effects - We get sick. We get migraines. Or worse: chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, etc. Yes, even our bodies tell us "No, you don't deserve this."
It's crazy but "feeling too good" often clashes with our old (and very deeply held) beliefs about ourselves. So we unconsciously fight back.
It's... a problem. Now, what can we actually do about it?
Step 1: We first need to recognize these behaviors in ourselves.
Am I unfairly criticizing others or being overly harsh with myself?
Am I incessantly worrying about low-probability future events or conversations?
Is it impossible for me to accept praise?
Is my body trying to tell me something?
Is there a part of my life in which I'm not being completely truthful with myself or others?
Step 2: We need to commit to change
Try going cold turkey on blaming or criticizing - even for a day
Same with complaining. You'll be shocked at how much you complain once you monitor it.
Now ask yourself this: "Am I willing to feel good/happy/content in most areas of my life most of the time?" Really. Think about it.
When you catch yourself worrying, ask: "Is this something I can realistically influence right now?"
And make a pact with yourself to accept praise with a simple "Thank you."
Step 3: We need to get comfortable with success
This is a process and a practice, not a switch you can flip
Track your successes - maybe every big win is a poker chip in a jar to PROVE you are worthy of praise (Thanks Todd Herman for this idea).
Keep records or journals of worries, challenges and wins. Then look back in one year or two years or 10 years to objectively see how far you've come.
Our minds often don't want to let us recognize our own successes. So we need to ensure that we constantly provide evidence that is blindly obvious, ever-present and indisputable.
Step 4: Find and operate in your Zone of Genius
This deserves its own post but basically it's the set of activities that you are UNIQUELY suited to do - drawing upon your unique personal gifts and strengths
You need to be honest with yourself not only about what you're good at (many of us get stuck in the "Zone of Excellence") but what you LOVE
Double, triple, quadruple-down on what feels like play to you but work to others
But it's even more than that. It's committing to living in a way that is the truest representation of our real selves that we possible can.
The more we operate here: the more true we are to ourselves, the more success feels natural, and the more we feel that we do deserve it because we are really damn good at doing this thing.
All of this takes practice.
It's so counterintuitive to many of us who think "I would never sabotage myself" until we observe many of these behaviors in ourselves and realize that's EXACTLY what we've been doing.
Hey, I said it upfront: This is a first-world problem.
We can lead really good lives - even great ones - without ever cracking this nut.
But for those of us who see something bigger for ourselves....
... who think there's a next level of success/love/creativity/fitness to unlock...
....this might just be a way to start progressing toward that true potential.
Thanks for reading to the end.
Go buy The Big Leap if you want to dive more into this.
Content Diet
My content consumption-to-creation ratio has been a little too high lately but that may just benefit you because I’ve come across some truly great podcast episodes. Here are a few recent favorites:
The Art of Investing - I’m loving this new pod from the guys who used to run Notre Dame’s endowment. Ostensibly an investing podcast that spotlights the magic of compounding, it’s really an education in succeeding at the game of life. Have a feeling this is going to be really, really good in the months to come. The roster of guests is probably going to be second to none. Check out the first two (excellent) episodes to start.
Tim Ferriss x Sam Corcos - Corcos runs the continuous glucose monitor company, Levels. But almost none of this podcast is about CGMs. Rather, it’s about productivity, running businesses effectively, protecting one’s mental health and a ton more. Toward the end of the conversation, Corcos mentioned he was 34-years-old at which point I audibly said “Wow.” Really, really impressive guy. I love his philosophies on so many things from deep work to news sobriety. I will be diving way deeper into his ideas.
Rich Roll x Drew Harrisberg - Harrisberg is a Type 1 Diabetic who is insanely fit. This conversation was supposed to be about continuous glucose monitors (can you tell I’m still super interested in this topic?) but it turned into a REALLY interesting discussion on diet. My head is still spinning from listening to Harrisberg’s results after moving to a plant-based diet. It has me re-thinking everything about low-carb diets and whether or not a completely different approach is needed by yours truly.
And in case you’re interested… here’s what I’m reading now/next:
The Power of Story - Jim Loehr
The Lean Startup - Eric Ries
Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg, PhD
That’s it for this week, my friend. Let me know if any of this resonates with you.
And do me a favor. I need a new recommendation for either a) fiction or b) historical non-fiction. What do you got for me?!?!
See you in two weeks.
Greg